You can fall in love with almost anyone.
Go to a bar on a Tuesday night looking like crap and you might just end up finding your life partner hanging out by the local Starbucks next door. It happens. Love is quick. After years of waiting, it can finally appear just like that.
But wait. Those are the story lines of people I’ve had the pleasure of being friends or acquaintances with. It’s not me.
I am the single girl who will want to bite into something that not as simple as buying coffee. I am the girl who falls in love with the guys you are not supposed to fall in love with. Having feelings for them is forbidden, a clear violation of the social order, and, unfortunately, knowing that you can’t touch them often makes it more enticing. It goes back to the whole Adam and Eve thing. If you tell someone not to eat the fruit, they’re going to, all of a sudden, develop a craving for it. Eve probably hated fruit, she looks like more of a savory kind of girl, but once she was told she couldn’t have nature’s candy, it became high on her radar. It’s like that stale donuts or marshmallow test they did on kids or adults. I can’t wait. Or not do it.
The forbidden fruit can come in a variety of different forms. Your boss. Someone who is far too young or far too old for you. Some who is shorter than you are, or some who just believes ‘you are not his type’. Someone who doesn’t really give a fuck about what you do, where you are or how you are dying everyday just to be a small part of their life or even for that matter their day.
It’s intense! And I feel sick about it because this is not who I am at all. Historically, I’ve always been the most supportive person when it comes to my friends’ relationships. I’m the girl you go to for advice and call when there’s been a fight. I’ve always put people’s needs before my own. I’ve set up friends on dates and watched them happily get into a relationship while I remain single and in the background. Part of this is because I don’t get crushes on people that easily. I don’t click with 99% of the male population so when someone finally comes along that doesn’t make me dry heave I pay attention. Unfortunately, in this case, the person I’ve been paying attention to is a stranger/friend who isn’t interested. The fruit I know there is no use eating. But hi, I’m starving.
We actually had insane chemistry the moment we got talking. And I mean like really talking. You know the kinds where you forget the place and time. The one place you want to wake up early everyday and go to. Work. We started talking about insane things and shook hands and it was like a cheesy rom-com moment where I was like, “And I’m obsessed with you. Goodbye forever.” The whole situation sucks beyond belief because I am someone who does not fall in love easily.
Finally! A man that speaks my language! Eureka! Why, oh why, does it have to be the one person I’m not supposed to have? Being single is hard and it gets harder and harder every day. I am not going to even bother putting a cute spin on it and be like, “OMG, spinster. Just hanging out with my friends and coffee shops reading books and having ME time, LOL.” No, it’s not even worth feeding into clichés because the actual reality of being single and feeling like no one relates to you is so sad and alienating.
At least I know I can have these feelings for someone, I know now that I’m not dead inside. It’s possible! I’m never going to make him fall in love with me, but I guess I would just like to know when I’m going to be able to eat the nice fruit without being poisoned. When am I going to fall in love with someone who is able to fall in love with me?