I am the sort of person that says “I Love You” first; Not because I always mean it.
I like you because I know your rejection is what I need to finally move on.
The more I think of you, knowing very well this isn’t reciprocated;
the more I begin falling in love with this projected image of you.
You have the 5 second smile I remember from months ago. Standing still in the busy street corner where the traffic, birds and noises of humans, are a blur I cant put an image to. It’s like you standing static in my memory; not the YOU in motion, in real life.
It’s far too easy to become infatuated with the first person who you’ve felt a spark with in years. Because we all want to believe that we are loved. Because we are told that if we do good things in the world, good things will happen to us. Because we fundamentally want to believe in “the one” and that the fairytales we were raised on were more than just fictional stories. Because we see happiness elude us and we desperately yearn for that human carnal instinct.
But this is reality. Things don’t go the way we want them to. You could say that this isn’t fate, or you could say that these are the woes of life. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how you choose to justify it, because at the end of the day, I don’t get you. I don’t get the man who was standing in that busy street corner.
I know that all of this will amount to nothing and I know that this will be just another ache, but at least I can walk away knowing how it truly feels to have loved and lost while I yearn for another man’s gaze and this repeats all over again.