I like you. I really like you.
You are what I usually look for when I think about things I want a man to be. You are tall, dark, handsome and charming just like the fairy tales say! You laugh and crack a funny joke when I say this because you have an intellect that can hold a decent conversation. You are a fitness freak and play sports to keep up your passion. You are ambitious, hardworking and someone every girl craves to be with. You said so yourself!
I wait to get your texts or the random selfie you send me through the day. (In which, you look hot af I must admit!) I know you sleep early so I try to get as much conversation with you as I can through the day. You wear braces and have an awkward demeanour when it comes to first impressions. I get that. Wow! I haven’t complimented a man in sometime and in so many words. So, I know I really like you.
I also feel the butterflies, you know the ones that my stomach created a grave yard for and I never imagined another set of species would survive there again but you did this to my stomach. It now hosts a various range and is now what I call a Butterfly Park!
What is this? I mean what are we doing here? I don’t know if our “relationship” will ever extend from the Whatsapp and iMessages to a phone call or FaceTime. Or if you are just talking to me in the hope of sleeping with me someday soon. And you know what? I am not so sure I would be able to resist the temptation.
We may have that phone call to have a really drunk date and make out session. Or maybe our first date will make you run for the mountains. You might meet me again or maybe we’ll meet once more at the bar and then awkwardly make up an excuse for work the next day. My desperate attempts to talk to you must give out different vibes. Maybe we’ll fall for each other or maybe we’ll fall back into the title of complete strangers when I see you next on Tinder and swipe left. I’m really not sure what you’ll be to me and what I can be to you.
I’m exhausted with just lusting for a man. I know you have those shoulder blades that I want to dig my teeth into. I knew it with every selfie I saw! It’s finally nice to talk to someone I know I might feel the sex with. I have concluded that we will have sex.
I know we aren’t each other’s firsts, and we probably won’t be each other’s lasts. We’ve already experienced our first kiss, first love, first heartbreak, first everything. You’ve probably slept with a handful of women, and I myself have done the same with men. You aren’t my first love, and there have been other guys before you that have changed the way I view ‘a relationship’. My emotions aren’t as innocent and raw as they once were. Life has changed me and it has changed how I am going to look at you.
I have a ‘whatever’ relationship stance with you right now. It’s not yet a crush, infatuation, fling, one-night stand or even a date yet. You are another guy on my address book who I think something might come out of it. I’m not naive and I’m not going to expect that anything will come of this until something does actually come of it. But to begin with, can I expect a phone call?
It’s been close to a month since we’ve begun texting which translates into speaking for the 21st century dating culture and I’m not going to put a label on this.
Dating has evolved into one giant twisted and fucked up game, and we all willingly play along. With the numerous Tinder, Grindr, Aisle, Truly Madly, Flo and Mingle apps it is a complicated game and I hesitate even before I get in.
If I like you, I’m going to tell you. But, don’t flatter yourself just yet, that doesn’t always mean I’m looking to be your girlfriend. Nor does it mean I’m quick to jump in and be your fuck buddy either. I’m not expecting a grandiose proposal or flowers at my doorstep. It doesn’t mean I’m head over heels for you or you’re the person I want to have my babies with. So relax. I like the kind of person you are and I’d like to be around you more to know how that would feel. That’s all.
You can call me “crazy” for developing feelings, but I could say the same to you for being petrified of a relationship that was never even established in the first place. You aren’t looking for a commitment, but when did I say I was?
You aren’t my first guy. And you might not be last. Don’t string me along for your own entertainment but also don’t assume I’m looking for a committed relationship until I tell you that I am. Our “whatever” break up might sting for a little bit, but you won’t break me. Life moves on, and so will I.
I think deep. I think a lot. I imagine every single positive or negative scenario there is to us before I can make up my mind about what this status actually means. Like many I’ve been told by, I am stupid and insane to overthink. But this is me!
I know you don’t read so you finding this page is nearly impossible. But, even if you did, I hope it’s month later after the phone call, our first kiss, our first everything that you read to know that for once I went with the flow. Or maybe you will read when you find me again on Tinder and are wondering why we became strangers on a fateful day and my last seen was at 3:57AM when I wrote about the pain in my heart. I haven’t felt this crushing pain in months and years even. You sound like my next painful disaster.
I’m worried. Yet, I am drawn to you like I have opened up a secret sky full of stars, that I want to lie down next to you and watch. While I play with the cold neck chain hanging down on your shoulder and you caress my hair to kiss my neck. I’m jealous of this girl I’m imagining here. She is right there next to you.
And here I am sitting 18 KMS away from you, hoping you are sitting in the cubicle of your office just thinking of what it is like to be with this girl I’m texting and making mental notes of a blog you haven’t written.