To stay or to leave, that is the real question

I get it. It’s been only a month and you’re not as sure as I am that we should be together.

I’ve had way more time to think about it, but for you, this whole “liking another girl” thing came as a complete surprise. I can’t fault you for being cautious for your own sake. I needed a ton of time to figure that all out myself, so I totally understand why you’d want to wait and see to try to really understand what’s going on with you.

But please, don’t be cautious for my sake. I’ll be okay, really, I promise.

We’re already doing all the things that the new couples do – besides admitting it! Pulling back from me now to protect me from some potential future pain isn’t going to help at all.

I like you. You like me. For whatever reason, we were supposed to meet.

If I’m being really embarrassingly honest, I had a bit of a crush on you even before I began speaking to you. And when you sent me that first message, I felt such an immediate connection, like my soul was happy, that my slight crush ramped right up to full on wow-I-would-date-this-boy feeling.

After that, every time I see your message on my phone, everything speak about, just felt really right. And I feel like you know exactly what I mean when I send those essays you read at 1AM. There was just that slight issue that you don’t call! So I was like, okay, that’s fine. We were probably just meant to be good friends. Really really good friends.

But then you tell me: You feel as much as I do and are looking forward to spending more time with me!

In the history of guys I talk to, do you know how much that just does not happen? It really does not ever happen.

So I feel like it would be a huge waste of luck and serendipity to not pursue this. I know you’re worried I’m gonna get hurt when you eventually figure out this isn’t really what you want. There’s a pretty good chance that will happen. And yeah, that won’t exactly be super pleasant for me.

But you know what’s super unpleasant for me right now- at this current moment? Not being with you or being able to listen to your voice. It’s fucking stupid not to, when I know it’s what we both want. And it would bother me way more to never have the chance at all.

Cause there’s two options here:

1. We cut things off, tone things down. We stop exchanging those emoticons and we say goodbye for good!

OR

2. We take an absolutely terrifying chance and admit that we might want to be together. And then we could figure out what that actually means – and what it feels like to be with someone whose soul connects to yours.

If at the end of that, you decide it’s not for you, it will definitely suck. Probably for both of us. But, trust me option 1 would suck WAY more.

I’d much rather try and fail, than always be wondering whether it might have worked out if we’d just taken that risk. I am very aware that taking that risk might end with me getting my fragile little heart beaten with a club. But you know… I’m supposed to be a self-proclaimed poet and writer so a little angst will be good for me.

Am I supposed to live my whole life avoiding love just because I might get hurt? I’d really rather get my heart broken, but thanks for asking.

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