The mindless swipe games we play to look significant

I am guilty. I have been writing for a month or two about the swipe tools because I like the game, the chase and the thrill of rejecting another. I’m a sadistic swipe addict. Yes, I swiped right and left because it was a game. A game I played so well that I felt I had mastered the art of swiping. If the world depended on my winning this, I got it! I will win.

I have been the victim and the demon of the slow fade. I have done to another what I dread upon myself. I’m beginning to think the slow fade is the modern-day “it’s not you, it’s me.” It is still a strong move to prove that we are scared to say the things that are worth saying.

While on the topic of it, I can’t handle rejection that is handed to me with silence.

I mean the slow fade basically opens up this huge massive door for assumption. I mean we could tell ourselves any bullshit, any amount of stories or lies and this other person can not will not clarify the truth to you. It could be anything; Like:
‘I got eaten by a shark’
‘I was stuck by lightening’
‘Sorry I have a small dick’
‘You are totally out of my league’
‘You are too perfect, I’m not!’
‘You are so intelligent and I don’t event read’
‘I’m George Clooney and dint want to reveal my identity to you’
‘Hey! I got kidnapped by magical unicorns who are planning a birthday surprise for you and needed my help’

Oh but no! That’s not how a woman’s brain functions now is it? All we can think of is our own insecurities about why he dint reply or slow faded into oblivion. Maybe he thought I was too fat, too dark, too clingy, too boring, too demanding, too much! Maybe I shouldn’t have called him an asshole. So basically its all a game – To look significant to a complete stranger who doesn’t owe you shit and you don’t owe him shit.

“Men don’t take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate.”

If you have never experienced the slow fade or slow faded away from someone, you are definitely a liar. Or have been dating a robot. Or you are dating Tom Hiddleston (he can never slow fade, He’s Loki!)

The “slow fade,” for those ‘not affected’ by epidemic of ignorance, is a process by which you gradually begin to ignore someone you are dating or hanging out with until the line of communication goes dead, so you don’t actually have to break up with them. The slow fade is a shitty thing to do in any situation. It’s the cowardly way out. Most people do this to avoid confrontation — they don’t want to explain why they want to end it, so they just choose not to. And that makes people crazy. And angry. And mean. And thus, mutual hate is born.

You know how it goes: You stop making plans, you stop texting, and then you stop returning texts in a super slow fashion so at first the dumpee is thinking maybe you’re just busy, yeah, super busy with work this week; then they’re wondering if they’re just over-analyzing things and surely you will make plans with them for the weekend; then they’re staring at their phone wondering why you’re Facebooking your beer with the boys but not responding to any of their texts; until finally they realize they’ve been slow-faded and there is nothing they can really do. You know what this makes me think? You operate from a deep dark place filled with arrogance, cowardice, ignorance and malice. You have the traits of being the person who commits the perfect murder. Leaves no trace of weapon, blood or even the body.

Never ever be that asshole. Even when the other person is asking for honesty. Just own up to your feelings to avoid making the person you were seeing feel like a paranoid, unlikeable reject. Yes, rejection hurts! Like a #$%&*. No one said this will be a party. But then you will be that human who din’t slow fade. That is winning at the game.

I’ve been slow-faded several times over the years, and I have had lengthy conversations with friends who are trying to slow-fade someone. I always attempt to talk them out of it. Their reasons are usually one of two:

“I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
That is such bullshit! What you really mean is “I don’t want to have to have an uncomfortable conversation.” I promise you friend, that slow-fading will sting much greater than a frank yet uncomfortable conversation. Slow-fading also takes longer and leaves more loose ends. Stop that!

“I don’t think I need to justify anything.”
Okay, this could possibly be a legitimate excuse. If you’ve just been talking casually without making any promises or plans, then you probably don’t have to announce you’re not interested. However, if you created any kind of routine where your lack of presence will be noticed, slow-fading is not appropriate.

Forgive yourself for giving it all to the wrong person. Forgive yourself that you slow faded but promise you will try not to again.

Dear Slow Fader, In the end we became strangers and memories. I am a conversation over a few beers with your friends talking about ‘clingy girl who was trying to hard’ and then buried under a pile of ‘let it go’ thoughts. I made it easy for you to leave.

I’m one of those girls that gave great love a fighting chance. I really did.
I set out saying I will go all out, give it my all, be vulnerable, be the girl that smiles, waits, fights, understands and does all of those things. Well, great love lost.

Great love slow faded on me cause I was too much. Great love thought I was being too relationship material. Great love me into positions I dint want to be in. Great love left. But Great Love isn’t a reason to tolerate disrespect. Great loss isn’t a reason to be insignificant.

So now I’m no more about Great love, just Great Lovers.


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