Plunged into the blue waters, where we’re unburdened by the gravity of our landward lives. We are weightless and free all the children of the sea. Loaded with pockets of air the barrel of my head forgot how to breathe; I sink to atmospheric tides that serve me with fresh shots of oxygen. The gas trapped on land got too stale for me to breathe. Slowly I pass through the threshold of 15 metres under the Dibba Rock and my air-sick ears didn’t take long to adjust. I stay naturally buoyant suspended between this world and mine, I breathe life between the ocean bed and surface line. Here is the kind of place where I could put down my roots, live out an idyllic being, imagining my life in a coral townhouse. But for me to stay, would be severely fatal. I’m just a visitor and my visa is about to expire, I look back one more time as my head breaks out to the surface and the sun stings. I blinked.
She wrote a note to herself today.
Before the moon bid its goodbye to it’s kind.
Before the world had a chance to wash her mind;
With pending tasks and bitter words that made her wrong,
Telling her how this would only make her strong.
She wrote it before emotions took over,
Before she said her name to the barista as a coffee-lover.
Before she had the choice between hope and optimism,
And sip into all the criticism.
A simple sentence that would resonate within mind;
before her eyes witness normality,
She wrote a note of what she wanted the day to be in reality.
She was not greedy, she tried to be kind,
Everyday she made up her mind.
Only to cease the day,
Yet be humble and not prey.
’Tis true that she wanted things her way,
She knew the dark clouds would not stay.
On the days it was hard to breathe,
She took a look around at the papers beneath.
Between the bills, payment sheets and cheques,
On the days she felt life was a wreck.
‘Breathe woman! Everything will be okay!’ she read,
This is how she knew her life wasn’t hanging by a thread.
It’s always a pleasure to break the fragments of my mind and put down in mere words (most powerful medium) to exposure the conversations I have with myself throughout the day, week and year. This I have to do!
October 2016 brought around a 360 degree spin around in my life where I made a very important decision to change the direction my life was going in and accept a job offer 2800 kms away from home. A lot changed! I know I know, this isn’t as far away, not a big deal, just 3.5 hours flight journey but know you this, I have never lived alone let alone in a country and city that is completely different compare to where I basically come from.
I am a South-Indian Bengalooru girl, lived there for 32 years of my life and I am in a serious long term, ‘put a ring on it’ kinda relationship with my gorgeous city! ❤ I’ve always been the text book version of a kid going nowhere fast, never had the strongest father presence so a lot of weirdness and trust issues I have could be cause of that. I have done my bit and worked my ass off to shape up as a human I am today. Haven’t come from easy times so I try to never take things for granted (except for my mum, which I know now) and work day and night for it.
Life as I know it, literally is like living a dream with tints of nightmares in between but a dream nonetheless!
I am a living, breathing and walking alien here. I love my new work and enjoy every bit of it and do see it as something I wanted to always do. And that’s what keeps me going everyday. Everyday is outside of my comfort zone and I am trying to grasp everything from work to just living life and how my relationships with people back home have changed.
In all of this, of course this place I now live in offers true solace when it comes to my singledom! Yes you got that – No hero in my sky!
CHANGE. Every single thing right now is/has/will change. Its difficult to get a hang of everything all at once. I know I stumble, I fall, I bump into things and sometimes look like a toddler but I am trying and I want you to know that. I’m sorry I test your patience at times and at times make you repeat yourself, but this overwhelming feeling isn’t easy to get a hang off and sometimes it defeats my sense of understanding. Time. All I ask is for your continued support and understanding. Sometimes, honesty of being able to say things which help me understand better.
That being said, I’m new to everything! You have all the jargons, the works and the mind of how it works and how to make it work better. I’m trying to get there but making the switch is a bit time consuming. I read, I google and I try to figure things out, getting there is a marathon.
Half the population is just waiting to see me fail and I am looking at one thing – Being able to experience this life, work hard and be proud of what I do and of course earn the money I’ve always dreamed of!
You have to accept that some people are not made for deep conversations, or for holding you together when you’re about to fall apart, or for keeping you from unzipping your skin, or for talking you out of suicide, or to love you through the worst moments of your life.
Some people are made for shallow exchanges, and ridiculous banter, and nothing more. And that’s okay. That doesn’t make them horrible people because they simply aren’t able to handle a storm like you.
It doesn’t make you a bad person because you won’t divulge all the gritty details of your horror show. It makes you smart. You have to accept that there will be people that cannot give you what you need. It doesn’t mean they are not worth keeping in your life. You just have to figure out who these ones are before you’re disappointed. And you have to keep them at arm’s length.
You cannot expect everyone in your life to understand, to be nonjudgmental, to get it. But that’s okay, because not everyone was made to impart wisdom, or wax-poetic, or speak on politics and the depravity of society, or discuss how crucial it is that the stigma of mental illness be abolished. There are times when you have to get away from all that heaviness. You have to. And you will need superficial conversation about Kim Kardashian’s arse, or a debate on the color of the dress. You will need those ones.
So don’t go round cutting people off and dropping your friends. You need people for all your seasons. You need people or you won’t survive this.
Something anonymously borrowed from the anonymous kind