Brown irises dressed of villains of grey

Winter is grey, the dark dull clouds look like rotten snow in the skies. They look dark like a villain wearing a deep and dangerous blue. Dark enough to hide the stars at night covering all 50 shades of a black hue.
She appeared dressed in all white and filled my mind to the brim. She uttered waves into the air and red liquids gushed my chest within. Our eyes met and the world twirled 360 like a little girl showing her flowing dress, the atmosphere was synonymous to a madman’s unrest. A pretty stranger made me fall in love with her, with half tones that delight, her dripping brown irises played an old opera tune.
Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque 🕌

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The dilemma of belief in a higher creation

When times go dark and things go wrong
I turn instinctively for guidance.
And who better to guide me than my maker?
Not knowing where the heavens exist,
I turn – wisely, mind you – to my inner voice
And begin to mourn about what doesn’t mourn.
“There is God in each of us,” the wise man said.

But if you do not believe in yourself
Does it mean that you do not believe in God too?
“There is God in every being around us,” the sage chanted.
But if you feel that the world is against you
Does it mean that God, too, is cruel?
I am not sacrilegious but why can I not be a believer?
Is it because of my upbringing in science?
But then, is science against God?

Science is man’s creation; man is God’s creation,
So science is God’s creation too, is it not?
Why would He create something that would destroy Him?
I am not sacrilegious, but why can’t I be a believer?

I have many friends, but I seek only one – God:
The ultimate friend, the first friend, the only friend.
But where do I find Him?

“Search within you,” said the priest confidently.
I obeyed him. What did I find?
Murky shadows of doubt and aimlessness
That follow a famished aura of pessimism.

To conquer the dark I need the light,
But how to find the light amidst the dark?
“Ask your soul,” sang the choir.

Ask my soul I did. And what did it answer?
That I was aimless and a sceptic,
That defeat was proliferating in me.

Please – I do not need my questions as my answers
To increase my befuddlement in this mad game.

Which path do I take at this fork?
And which in the one after that, and the one after that?
“Ask your elders,” piped the book.

And ask my elders I did. And what did they answer with?
“Ask not what is not expected of you.
Live by the rules, make no new rules.
Ask us not what is unimportant
For we care not for answers for what is needless.”

I still travelled the endless foliage
In search of the scorching desert –
I was ready to do anything to find answers.
And lo! And behold! God really came,
Came to help me, His son, out of the shadows.

I was saved – all those years spent in abandon
Were not for nothing – the time had come.

And He spoke to me like a Father would;
His voice was as raw as a lion’s roar
Yet as melodious as a koel’s croon.

“I know of what you seek, but forgive me, son,
You will know of it better than I do now.
Forgive me for my seeming aloofness
But I love you too much to help you.”
And He disappeared.

I was filled with volcanic rage.
Tears streamed down my scarred, dry cheeks,
My hollow, dead bones echoed with indignation:
I was deprived of my birthright.

I looked at myself in the mirror –
My eyes were erupting with blood redder than crimson;
My face was fuming with wrath untold, unsaid;
My body was shaking with furious shock –
I looked at myself and realised I was afraid of myself.

I had allowed myself to become a monster,
A many-faced, sans-heart monster.
I turned away, tears of fury now turned to those of grief.
Maybe there is no love in this world,
Maybe there is no friendship,
Maybe some questions were made to have no answers.

Or were they?
Religion is, in the simplest of terms, subtle.
Wise men have defined it in different ways,
Each more distant that the other.
While one called it the destiny of every true human being,
Another crudely called it the last refuge of a coward.
I, like most others, think of it as a dilemma.

Something borrowed from Sudhanva Shetty

I Am Unapologetically Myself

There are people in this world who are God fearing , monotheists or polytheists; yet in a room full of atheists, they will claim there is no God. There are people in this world who absolutely hate peas, but will eat peas if they have “an interest” lingering around. There are people in this world that will stay quiet while surrounded by 10 people talking crap about their best friend. There are people in this world that will claim that everything is fine with a tear running down their cheek.

I understand why these people exist. I get why they think the way they do. I understand that some people don’t like conflict, being “impolite” or standing out from the crowd. I commend these people and respect their impeccable manners and ability to alter their views based on circumstances. They are ideological chameleons, changing their colors based on surroundings. In my opinion, these people live a much easier life than people like me. I am not one of these people. At least I try everyday not to lose the bit of myself I hold on to so tight.

Not because I want to stand out of a crowd or stage the uniqueness within me, but for the sole reason that I don’t want to apologise to anyone, not my God, not my mother, friends, family, colleagues, teachers, school friends, boyfriend, husband, in laws or anyone. Not even to me.

I am a Hindu that has never denied the existence of a higher being. I was born in South India with intense pride and I hate anyone who tags me a Marathi girl. Almost as much as I love peas, I love my best friend and no one will ever get away with talking badly about her in my presence. And I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I’m unhappy, everyone in the room can tell just by looking at me. Yet, at times, just cause I wear my heart on my sleeve, I will smile through it all. Oh but trust me, someone will know. I am not Happy.

There are people in this world like me. People who know exactly who they are, what they like, what they dislike, what they stand for, and what they will not stand for. Call it stubbornness, call it confidence, call it passion, call it self-awareness, I call it being “unapologetically ME.”

I am unapologetically myself. My very close friends are unapologetically themselves. Every guy I have ever dated or liked has been unapologetically himself. Maybe sometimes, the sole reason why we dint date. I hate them for it sometimes, but I love them for it all the time.

I am attracted to people that stand behind a belief, no matter how small. I am attracted to people who are confident in their values. I am attracted to honesty and pure emotions. I am attracted to the people who swim upstream, the trailblazers, the people whose voices shake when they go on rants, the people whose silence is chilling, the people whose emotions can be felt from 20 feet away. I am attracted to unwavering individuality and sense of self. I am attracted to people who don’t eat their peas because, damn it, they don’t want to. Even if that’s they only thing left on the plate.

I knew a boy once. He didn’t believe in wearing perfume. He only wore deodorant. Because, A) He didn’t like the smell of perfume and B) He didn’t think that people should like him because he smelled like a Calvin Klein model. At first, I rolled my eyes and called him a jackass. But now that I think about it, I get it. On some level, it was symbolic. He didn’t want to mask himself with something artificial. On another level, I respected that he stood for something so unique. He was the only guy I knew who didn’t own a single bottle of cologne and that was attractive. He was being himself. Unapologetically.

It seems to me that the chameleons very seldom understand people who are firm in their beliefs. They don’t get it. For every act of “rebellion” I did,  my mother’s wise parting words were, “Try not to get beat up.” I winked.

I have learned that you pay a price for being yourself. People can label you easier. The one time you voice an opinion has the potential to turn into your identity.

People will make assumptions about you. Even though these are the same people who will say, “Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.”

People will call you stubborn or hard headed. I am not stubborn. I am passionate. I refuse to change my beliefs on certain issues because I feel so passionately about them. However, I have a very open mind. I listen to opinions and input.

People will not like your confidence. Some people are intimidated by confidence, it’s human nature. Be confident anyway. You’ll be signing those people’s paychecks one day.

If you are a person who is unapologetically yourself, I salute you.

Now, listen up because I have good news and bad news.
The bad news: It’s not easy to be you. You will have altercations with people, face resistance, feel disillusioned, lose friends, gain enemies, and notice that people will try (and sometimes succeed at) bringing you down.
The good news: We are a minority. Most people in this world will not stand up in a room of 100 people who all believe in the same thing and dare to say, “I disagree.” And that, my friends, is a powerful thing. Do not let the world smother the fire under your passions, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem.

Being unapologetically yourself comes with a price. Always pay it.

The Gates of Hell are still open

Times have changed and the world is in dismay,
Too many tears ask for love,
Gardens of love have turned into battlefield of fear where death is the ruler for the day.

It seems passé to think of angelic miracles as heavenly guards no longer perform,
The membrane between deed and sin has been ripped apart;
It’s too late to realise Adam’s crime as fear is now the subject of the mind.

The seven deadly sins are the satan’s weapon against the mind.

Power yourself with the crown of PRIDE, so as to be systematically selfish;
Guard yourself with weapons of ENVY, so as to enchant yourself by the anguish of another;
Cover yourself with linens of GREED, so as to be an insatiable goblin;
Bathe yourself with lights of LUST, so as to never angst at all;
Fence yourself with arrows of ANGER, so as to prosecute all the emotional or ghostly galleons;
Tranquillise yourself with pills of GLUTTONY, so as to glorify yourself by the annihilation of another;
Entrap yourself within clutches of SLOTH, so as to never “ideal” yourself with the thorns of perfection.

As the wind tangles the fierce and strong, Lucifer glows dark as his shadow grows strong.
The heavens withdraw the gates of pearl and now stands larger as the gates of hell are still open.